bastard, this is not the last of me

had a fight with with my friends...n by fight i mean...i chickened out n shut the door...

at the moment my room does not have a bed for me...so sleeping in my friends room...who also happens to be my neighbour...
so anyway what really happened is that i was sleeping n a couple of ruffians...who are actualy friends..but to add to the dramatic value of this post i shall call em ruffians...came to the room...n woke me up...n put water on me n the next thing i know i had shaving foam all over my face n watever lil hair i have...

so the stud that i am, i did wait for them to leave the room..n then sent him an sms abusing him n tellin him that this wansn't the last he had seen of me...
BIG MISHTAKE
so both of them came back....but this time we were clever...cause we didnt open the door....even though they went on knockin on our door for over half an hour....lots of words were exchanged..then they had had enough....so they decided to burn paper n slid it under the door...that went on for quite sometime...then they ran outta paper..so they asked us to give em paper...when we didn't...the decided to throw wet newspaper from their balcony onto our balcony....very funny na...it is when you are a lil buzzed!!!!

i think they got tired after that..so we crashed..

Nah not a funny story...thats it

Joey

i know this guy...whom i shall not name...ogay i might as well name him joey for reference

joey after the friends character played my matt le blanc...cause in a lot of ways he reminds me of joey...my friend that is!!!

I've known him for over 10 years now...though we've never been in the same plce for too long...but somehow managed to stay in touch...ahem if you know what i mean....I'm very much straight...but its just that whenever i talk to him all the lust just takes over...

Now now before any of you jump to any of those perverse conclusions let me make it completely that both of us are two completely heterosexual guys in desperate need to get laid atleast once before we die...(thats with genuine women)..but whenever we talk, sanity is like when madonna sang "like a virgin" ...touched for the very first time...in other words a big farce!!!

...n in those moments of dementia he has proposed his undying love for me by asking me to bend over innumerable times...

our chats bout dames were some sort of a pinching contest..cause there was so much in common(the pinching contest is because of the same pinch funda....) in terms fo the ways n the dialogues women have used on us to TURN US DOWN...

we also share the same opinion bout women...UNATTAINABLE

i met joey recently n we both were updating each other on our action packed lives(read zero action) and it actually spooked both of us...we both wondered if we had pursued the same women....or if they were related or knew each other or u know...the works...

though he once was going around with some chick...n they broke up n got back only 7 times..i dunno, i think he was going for some james bond number or something...kids i tell u...well even i got back a with the same babe...just a couple of times...or was it more...well it was definitely less than 7 times...oh man...phew...nice save...

though over the years we've learnt our lesson...that we won't get laid as much as we'd like...ok in my case thats probably never...

he's started seeing someone lately n betrayed everything that i stood for....not too sure...but since i'm very much single n the chances of that changing seem overly bleak....so anyone who's not single...is not conforming to the rules my exclusive posse comitatus of the engg n the restless!!!!

you know there might be a day when i find something very deep n meaningful n profound to write bout...but till that comes about i shall just stick to trashing my friends...

I LAAUUUU U GUYS....u mean everything to me....

The engg n restless

disaster strikes again

one of my friends called me today...n she told me that this guy whom we shall refer to as 'CUTIE' has started going around with some dame from his work place...

oh man did i almost break down or what...

well not really out of jealousy or...u know i'm not really a sadist...but it felt like he betrayed the male sorority that i had almost formed in my insti....well it wasn't like we formed it....it was more like the mantle was thrust upon us in some sorts...

lemme explain how this all happened...

so as i have been elucidating the masses bout my singleton status over my blog...

well my friends in my insti have instilled this belief in me that i have absolutely no scope with the opposite sex at least not with the current bevy of babes at my insti...so i would have to try my luck in lust with the juniors bout to join... n i was the most popular(read desperate) in this particular group of single(read despairing) young lads who weren't making much progress with the women...so would have to wait n watch out for the juniors!!!!

so how does cutie come into the picture...

well me n him were the only two guys in this particular group....in the sense our friends told us that we probably would not have any luck with the junior chicks...

now why would they say such nasty things...
well in my case the hideously monsterous looks have always been my undoing....
but in cuties's case...well he is rather good looking...so is the verdict from the women..but he is too decent n nice a bloke to you know....i dunno...i guess we all could never picture him getting romantic with any chick....let me leave that at that!

so what is my answer to cutie's betrayal...

well i have decided to form this club called the
"the engg n the restless"

i proclaim myself as the founding n very permanent member!!!

our war cry will be - "EEWWWIIILLLLGGIIEEUUBBLLOOOODDAA"
incase u guys wonder what that means.... its just a very hip mallu way of saying 'you'll give bloodaa'
the aaa at the end of blood is for the Dolby effect!!!

opposition will be called - 'titers' which is the opposite of looser

now i got some responses like opposite of loser would mean intelligent...plzzzz do not think so much

i feel the need to make some rules....but feeling too lazy at this point of time...so let me procastinate that for some other time
I'm open to suggestions though!!

our motto is to spread the message not the virus!!!

i would like to get a feedback though!!!

membership is open to anyone n everyone n as an introductory offer, all applying for membership will get a free offer to lech after any chick they really like n not get slapped....promise

eewwwiiillggiieeuubblloooodddaaa!

Soul Mate

soul mate....do i believe in it...

why do i ask this question...well to be really frank... i was just watching 'sex and the city'...i really just watch it for the articles...but it is pretty funny....that is whenever the folks are not around so i can watch it!!!
anyways in this particular episode the caracter of sarah jessica turns 35..n she's still single..as in not married....n she poses this question to her friends...

...which kinda got me thinking as to what my opinion on this was...now now...i'm not really the kinda guy who opines bout anything that requires some clear n insightful thinking...but i thought i should travel the unbeaten path once in a while(new year resolution....batter late than...u know the rest..even if its ust a word more).

well frankly speaking i'm not really sure bout it...cause everytime i've fallen in love(not that that happened a lot..) i've always felt that the other one was perfect for me...not that the other one even gave a damn bout me..but i still felt that way...guess i was not drunk enough...

i've felt that my senses are heightened when i'm drunk...not that i remember much of that....

well if i were to closely look at the two words....
soul is something i've not been aware of(...though my friends have tried to convince me bout ghosts n spirit) n well mate is something one dog does to another...end to end...or some animal...not that i'd know much bout that either having never been with animals! AHEM


i guess somewhere deep down i do believe in soul mates...n i don't think i'll ever find mine...
i feel a lot like that character in the serial..i mean there's so much in common...as in she's single n so am I...
yeah but thats where it all ends...
her character is rather hot...gets a lot of action...is successful...rich....the works...

i wonder what i'll be like when i'm 35...single-yes, desperate-yes, money-zilch, hottie-(a term still not associated with me in every which way)...oh n i guess my parents would have pretty much given up on looking out for a suitable girl for me after i scared the last 7 away...i would still be writing this blog...which no one reads still but its my only outlet to all my feelings...well no body else would even bother...

..so all in all...there won't be much change from what is the present scenario...

bugger!!!!

JENNIFER

...for quite some time I've been rummaging for inspiration to blog...n a little earlier I ate it…yes...went to pizza hut n ate some Pizza (duh) n some pasta (of very questionable origin!!!).
Went with my cousin...who picked up the tab...n on that note...

I have this friend whom I shall call Jennifer (...which also happens to be her real name but nobody knows her by that name cause she for some vague reason does not like it...even though I’m spreading the word...but that’s another story....)....so anyway...
This story’s bout how she classifies men into three extremely broad categories, namely

1. Creeps - the bottom dwellers - I happen to grace this category with my presence!!!!

2. Sweet guy - I almost made it into this category...but according to the rules...I had to listen n not bitch n not crack any of my cool jokes (read pathetic jokes).

3. Sweetheart - This is a distant non-dream...non dream because I don't really aspire to endure the pressures of this premium bracket!!


So what really separates the men from the goons?

Hmmmmm….

It’s rather simple….

Let’s start from the bottom rung… now this particular category also has three tiers…
First come the ‘Simple Creeps’ who aren’t very good at listening, crib bout a lot of things, pass some sarcastic comments, with a few, I repeat, very few jokes in between….in other words…pretty much like me… Now these guys have the chance of creeping up the ladder…though it is rather tough…but not impossible!!!
Now the next tier would be the ‘I wanna stab them with my nail file or anything I can get my hands on’. By stab she really means only some serious injury n nothing more…
These guys have pissed her off quite a lot n now face her wrath…it’s usually difficult to ascend from this level…that’s something that one learns from documented history!!!
The third tier is ‘I shall castrate him’. Which simply put would mean that she wants to rid you of your…u know…
...it’s not really a penis embargo….but more of eradication methodology!!!!

Ok so now that the kill bill part is over…lets see how one qualifies for the top two broad categories….
Now to elucidate the ‘sweet guy’ and the ‘sweetheart’ category is rather simple….u take the ‘simple creeps’ category n negate all the bad qualities…n u have the answer…
For instance the sweet guy would be a good listener, knows when to talk or be witty or just silently sit when she’s whining her heart out…n your patience out too!!!!
Now what separates the sweetheart from the sweet-guy is that the sweetheart picks up her tab in a restaurant or café or just buys her smokes…or at least does not pinch her smokes…n the works
As I said I fall into the simple-creeps category…I really dunno why though…
Who cares…I had pizza today…but I’m still single….dammit life sucks

I still very much have the HOTS for meg ryan...there's absolutely no turning back...it was just the character i was talkin bout....

i should never get married

i was watchin "when harry met sally" earlier today..n there was this part where the character of billy crystal is getting very irritated with every lil thing that meg ryan's character is doing....the way she posts her letters...blah blah blah...
n i saw myself right there...
i get bored so easily.....i have very lil patience...i'm mr moody blues...yeah in short i'm the pits!!!!
how will i ever survive in a relationship...that is if by some stroke of magical luck i manage to con some dame...
i'd turn into my worst version...n she would have to bare the consequences...n then she'd break up with me...n then go n bitch about me (rightfully so) to all her friends...n you know how women spread the word bout the ppl they don't like...n then i would be world famous...n all women would abhor the very thought of being with me
...very smart move dumbass

There's so much to write...but i dunno what to write...
...as in the feeling is to write a lot...but there's absolutely nothing that comes to my mind.....something substancial..one might say...or anything at all...i might say!!!
was talking to a friend last night...
talkin bout career n all...you know all that glorified stuff...which i fantasize bout....n thats where it all ends...
anyway..this dude...had almost everything figured out...as to what is it that he wanted to do...why he wanted to ....n how he would actually do.....geez.....it gave me the creeps....n when i say that it gave me the creeps...i don't really mean it as a disease like herpes...good lord no....but it just creeped me out...
i have completed my first yr in a b school...n i still have absolutely no clue as to what it is that i'm really trying to do with my life...
though off late...i haven't been feeling like much of a loser because...come to think of it...none of the ppl...who actualy made me think of MBA as an option did really know what they were really interested in...as in MBA wise...but they all are pretty...no wait...very successful in what they are doin at the moment!!!

but i still can't find any women...damn man...this sucks...i feel like such a loser!!!

listening to turn turn turn...the byrds...is there a msg for me there....

In continuance with the previous post....i amost asked the dame what was so wrong with me that she didn't like..... but just in time i realised that that it oculd take a while if she started to list out all of them... then i had to save my ego too....you know thats all i have....me n my ego....

Oh hey i almost frgot...i got my bike now.....its a black pulsar...oops sorry african american pulsar(is this too stale???)....i call her MRS. ROBINSON!!!!

Always the bridesmaid...never the bride....


....20 yearsdown the line...if blogger still exists...n if you happen to come across my blog n read it....there's not much thats gonna change.... I'll still be very much single...bitching bout everyone who is in a relationship and happy...
I dunno why...but everytime i fall for someone(there haven't been too many occasions...but whenever it has...) something or the other has to go wrong....either she is involved with someone else...or if she's on the verge of breaking up, she's not really lookin to be in a relationship(atleast not with me!!!)...n when she is finally ready to get into a relationship...it obviously not me...cause she has never seen me "in that way" ....gawd only knows what they mean when they say that...
...probably its a polite way of turning you down and saying "I think you're nice n all but i really think you are nothing but crap...n when i want to introduce my boy friend to my friends...i don't want them to say...'are you blind or were you drunk??'"
People keep telling me that i'll get a very sweet dame n i deserve the best n blah blah....the hidden message being....you're never gonna get laid!!!
Its just another one of those days again...when absolutely nothing makes sense

There goes my baby
With someone new
She sure looks happy
I sure am blue

Well she never was my baby....n i guess she never will be...

People say i'm wierd....but i'm pretty much like all other wierd people....n even though i have no statistical dataor for that matter ...any sort of data...) to supposrt this, but a majority of the people are like me...which would mean that we are in majority...that is the twisted are the majority...so we would be normal...which in turn would man that those who proclaim to be normal are actually the ones who are really wierd....but they are just just pretending to be cool n non wierd n look down upon us....some people i tell u....

22.... single.... frustrated... desperate....challenged vocabulary(read - pathetic vocabulary).... repugnant as hell.... need i even say how many times i've been laid till date!!!
just been one of those days...when u just feel like taking out your frustration...n nobody actually listens to you....so u cant really take it out on any human....the dogs just barked n snarled...so the stud that i am...write bout it on my beloved blog!!!! bwahahahahahahah

wait actually had a pretty nice lunch at college....special lunch...but i'm already feeling hungry...so...

I'm really not all that bad....besides the hideously scary looks and the obnoxious personality...there is absolutely nothing wrong with me....why then why....am i still single...guess i'm back in the desperate phase of my life which comes ever so often...n then leaves me...wait wait...ok it never leaves me...but then again thats the beauty of life...the little surprises....or in my cases..forgone conclusions....the endless list of rejections keeps growing by the hour...oh yeah...i have totally improved my efficiencey...n now i'm striking out at a dizzying rate...n there's absolutely no stopping the 'Rocket'....not the greatest nick names i have come up with have i....guess not too many ppl read my blog in any case...so screw all those who don't....so basically i'm abusing the entire world....quite a number!!!

BAH

....WTF....my exams just got over a couple o weeks back....this is thepetic(read pathetic) ....will try to finish my post on my beloved family after these tests get over....groan...

My Family Part 1

As i was going through my blog...(or as i wasn't) i figured that i've never mentioned anything bout my family...all i do write bout is my rocking sex life(atleast on my blog i can call it rocking!!!)
anyways....my family....
My dad's a doc....my mum's a teacher..n my sis is an architect...n thatt would make me an underacheiver....or just in lay man terms....completely useless....
my claim to fame ...my height....ok i'm out...

back to my family....
We are like any other average normal dysfunctional family!
oh BTW i completely forgot to mention the most important family member....THE TELEVISION!!!
He/She(gender bias kiss my a**) is the only member of the family that everyone listens to without ever complaining....gets the maximum attention...never gets hurt...or booted(in every sense of the word!)...or never gets cursed no matter what crap it says!!!

Now some of the ground rules in my family....
We aren't the most commuicative bunch of people....though in the house it is expressed as " If what you are going to say isn't funy...then why even bother??"

now inspite of having an inhouse doctor....besides me...nobody liistens to my dad when they get sick or some shit like that happens....everyone is an almost practising doctor....thankfully they only practise on themselves...but they practise nevertheless!!!!

Now one of the biggest hasles of having a doctor in the family is that the food is always health oriented n taste, fat n everything sinfully good is a taboo....hark

well all that food talk has made me hungry...so i'm just gonna take a break from my family n hit the food selling places....will continue this again...

Valentines Day here i come

Valentines Day is coming closer...I'm sure all you guys must be having grand plans....as for me...the STUD that i am ....all day i'm gonna be doing nothing but SULK.... ofcourse once in a while i shall be contemplating(i hope i spelt that right! and used it in the right context...which is besides the point...anyways) turning GAY.....wait wait...incase by mistake any women do read my blog(Common its my blog i can write whatever i want to...)...since a lot of women read my blog... i have to tell you ladies that my looks have substancially improved since the plastic surgery i had undergone a couple of weeks ago... and the women around me have stopped throwing up...so yeyiiii...

Plz do leave your phone no, e mails address, postal address or any means through which i can get in touch with you and be around you ...(no stalking...promise!!!)

" I am half human, half alien....n one third mutant!!"

war is over......

First post in the new year... aint exactly been all that great to write bout.. yet again..

do People actually still make resolutions....or do they stick to the usual have as much sex as possible...which in my case would be as much as offered...which again in my case would be null...zero...eempty....which would mean that i'm stuck with leching at women n making them totally uncomfortable n totally gross em out by making slurpy sounds while i'm near em....

Most people who know me... do think (rightly so if i may add) that i'm a very decent guy....n i'm not obscene...or lewd or any of those words who's meaning i still dont know....but my blog is like my very own not so private space...but a place where i can just let go of all my inhibitions n be as uncouth n not worry bout any of this goin to my folks... who have already given up on me....but yeah let the myth remain!!

Smart Sardar

A sardar gets caught by a female traffic cop for speeding.

The cop says "you have the right to remain silent and anything you say will be held against you."

The sardar says "your BOOBS"

hmmm...complaints bout me making contradictory statements...

Well now...maybe i should change the name of this blog to " the wanderig mind of the ignoramous anonymous.... yeah wateva

well the deal is that i want to be unattached...n its really not out of choice(but lets just that keep that a hush hush affair)....

I've been trying real hard for god knows how long....wait...the exact no would be 14 years 15 months n 42 days...

cause its been 14 years of pain .. yeah its been 14 years of....

No seriously....i'm happy the way i am....which BTW does not mean that i'm super gay(contrary to popular belief)...but just in case some dame wants to hook up with me..plz feel free to post a msg, mail me...snail mail me...call me...msg me....common...something atleast....

having a really bad time these days...havent had any sumptious food in ages... havent scored in like...ummm...well lets just pretend and say that its been long(if anyone thinks i'm still a virgin...then lemme tell ya that i lost it while i was playing volleyball...eiyahahahahah)

gawd i'm hopeless....ah so what .... i've got my dignity.... maybe i should just sign off!!! grrrrr.....the growl is solely for decorative purpose.

Saw swades yesterday....liked the movie...

Shah Rukh Khan did everything that he has not done till now...in other words...he has acted really well....n he has not acted like the Shah Rukh Khan we know!!!

The wisdom that i got from the movie was that if u r selfless enough ....you get a babe!!!

Now thats something that i have understood after seeing soo many Indian movies....
the minute the dame gets to know that you are ready to help the poor n the needy...BAM the chick is yours for keeps!!!

now to get the record straight...i am a very selfless person(Hoping women read my blog too...n if so...plzz do leave your email addresses or even your mobile phone no.... sms is dirt cheap...for me atleast)!!!

Whenever i am having some food with my friends...i share it with em....who ends up paying for it is not the point....these are all trivial issues to me.

whenever i'm drinking...i make sure that my friends get more drunk than i do...n in the process i can con em into paying the bill too...eiiiyahahahahahah....now see the selfless part here would be the fact that i'm thinking bout them all the time

when i'm thinking...i'm thinking how to convince my friends to buy me food...

ofcourse i am not very good at convincing my ppl...but the important point being that i'm always thinking bout em...

so ladies...n if the gentlemen have any hot chick friends...kindly take note of my selfless attitude...and plzz o plzzz.....put me out of my misery....grrrr

got an sms....


"2 homos were looking at travel brochures. One of em said: Lets try Greece this year! The other asked: Why, whats wrong with vaseline?!?"

me n a few friends(not all were males) were flipping thru cosmo the other day....
the section where u talk bout your problems....

well i have never sent anything of that sort ..but...

but i wonder if there will ever be a problem like..." I like men, women, and dogs....but i dont like any other animals...what category do i fall into???"

Now thats a thinker...

Yeah i havent posted anything in quite sometime...the standard of that pretend joke says it all!!!

Ok new development...

My friends have kept a new name....

"The Psycho"

..though a a few of them prefer psychopath....

I am not really all that bad....

all i want is food!!!

not a penny more ...not a penny less

A wise man once said.....

One must do things out of boredom... otherwise everything else would become boring...

Hmmmmmm

One Bengali is a poet
Two Bengalis is a film society
Three Bengalis is a political party
Four Bengalis is two political parties

One Punjabi is a 100 kg hulk named Pinky
Two Punjabis is a Pinky with his brother Twinky
Three Punjabis is an assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local
McDonalds
Four Punjabis is a combined IQ equal to one Tamil-Brahmn

One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav
Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad
Three Biharis is a caste killing
Four Biharis is the entire literate population of Patna

One Mallu is a coconut stall
Two Mallus is a boat race
Three Mallus is a Gulf job racket
Four Mallus is an oil slick

One UP bhaiyya is a milkman
Two UP bhaiyyas is a halwai shop
Three UP bhaiyyas is a fist-fight in the UP assembly
Four UP bhaiyyas is a mosque-destruction squad

One Gujju is a share-broker in a Bombay train
Two Gujjus is a rummy game in a Bombay train
Three Gujjus is a Rs. 10-crore sprocket manufacturing business
Four Gujjus is an all-night dandia-raas session

One Andhraite is a chilli farmer
Two Andhraites is a software company in New Jersey
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit
Four Andhraites is a song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie

One Kashmiri is a carpet salesman
Two Kashmiris is a carpet factory
Three Kashmiris is a terrorist outfit
Four Kashmiris is a shoot-at-sight order

One Tamil-Brahmn is a priest at the Varadarajaperumal temple
Two Tamil-Brahmns is a maths tuition class
Three Tamil-Brahmns is a queue outside the U.S. consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tamil-Brahmns is a Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara

One Bombayite is a footpath vada-pau stall
Two Bombayites is a film studio
Three Bombayites is a slum
Four Bombayites is the number of people standing on your foot in the
train at rush hour

One Sindhi is a currency racket
Two Sindhis is a papad factory
Three Sindhis is a duplicate goods shop
Four Sindhis is the Hong Kong Retail Traders Association

One U.S. Desi is a software guy
Two U.S. Desis is a lunch group at work
Three U.S. Desis is a bitching session about the U.S.
Four U.S. Desis is four software guys, heating tamarind rice in the
office microwave, cooked that morning, in their shared one bedroom
apartment, and bitching about life in the U.S.

From this day on...I am officially changing my name to The Hulk!!!

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He asked, Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams," she said. "I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The Lawyer was stunned. Not quite knowing what to do next, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone
and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost fainted. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench - and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks that bitch if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses into jail for contempt."

woah its been a while since i have written something concrete...no its not the staind song i'm singing!!!

but its been a while!!!

as i sit in front of the computer in my college...i wonder what is it that i really am supposed to be doing....well i aint really wondering...but what the hell!!!!

most people say that i am obsessed bout not having a babe...
...i dunno...its quite good not being attached...
..i can do whateva i want to wheneva i want to...(i wish i could also say ---- with whomever i want to....but alas!!!!)

but then again there are times when i do feel the need to just have that one person whom i can beat the crap out off whenever i want to....maybe i dont need a babe...maybe the hitler inside me want to rid this earth off handsome looking men...so that i can get laid....

Ah there i go again!!!!

Acting like a maniac.....Whiplash!!!!!