How do people usually respond when i call em up??

vipul: hi vipul here
friend1: oh crap u again!!!



vipul: hey how are you???
Friend: dammit!!!


vipul: hello
Father: sorry wrong number!!!

me in conversation with a friend

Goofy:dude i think i'm gonna write a book which will contain all my suxy jokes...i think its high time i share with the entire world what only a select few have experienced!!!
Bhains:okie, lemme know when u start writing that 'joke' book of urs... i'll start a mass suicide club... will make loads of money thru membership!
hehe yea man! i'm an entrepreunal(check out the spellin dude!! yea!!) guy!

guys gotta check this one out!!!

check it out

opinion poll

what out of these following options would i choose if some woman was to propose to me????...ok ok.. this is a hypothetical situation so lemme be the king for once!!

the options are
1. i would accept her proposal
2. i wouldn't believe what was happening and probably go into a coma!!
3. run like the wind
4. this is a trick question!!!
5. basket of onions
6. do u think this should be the last option????
7. i dunno what u mean by a proposal
8. i dunno how to answer this question....hence i have succeeded goofdude and become the loser king of goofdom!!!! Alrite!!
9. i really dont feel like answering!!
10. this is the most useful activity i have done in the past 20 years of my abysmal life
11. all o fthe above
12. none of the above
13. will the real slim shady plz...just get out!!!


PS ...phew this was really tiring!!

Wokay

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!

HAND JOB

My future is bleek.....

i will get married to a person who i won't be compatible with
i will get diabetes
i dont have much scope as far as studies is concerned
i wont have a steady profession...as in i'll change...u know...
i will have hypertension
...hmmm lemme think...what else was i told

yeah someone saw my hand...n this is what is written on my hand!!!!

KABOOM

i have lost the will to be sarcastic....wait wait....almost lost the will....
till next time....
....if we meet again....

Pre reading

i wonder what the blog addicts, who by some stoke of luck are in a relationship with someone from the opposite sex( or from the same sex....i aint homophobic....i am using the term in the right way....rite???), talk to their partners....do they tell the other one --->" bah!! why dont u just read my blog first and then clarify all your doubts...."
this concept is called pre reading...which is prelevant in most of the top b schools( no there is nothin of this sort here in my school!!) wherein the students study the topic that they would be taught in the next class. so they basically understand the topic beforehand...n then they are just clarifying their doubts with the teacher when he is teaching the topic!!
what losers!!!!!!

you must have already guessed by now that i aint in a relationship...for reasons i'm not aware of(hehehehe who said ignorance is bliss....!!!!)
bah!!!!

recently we had a interactive session withour director where we had the opportunioty to put forth our suggestions as to how our schedule and all that jazz should be.

some ppl came up with the novel idea of having weekly business quizzes....DUH!!!
then there was the talk of having more case studies(some funda where u r given a real life situation and u have to solve the problem...n in the process u actually get some practical gyan...katte!!!)
then there was the suggestion of having 24 hour library....well hello...how much of the stardust can we read???
ofcourse if cosmo was there i could probably find out the reasons for my enforced celibacy!!!

but the thing that i liked the most was the 24 hour computer lab....woah....now i could write my blog more often(i.e. if our superior network actually opens the page in that one hour!!!)...but then again... i would be in the lab all the time...n would have no life...so...nothin to interestin to write...well...the no of ppl reading my blog are less...so i guess we could probably iggy the word 'interesting'...rite!!

Coming Back to Life

back after a while....
good news...i have updated the link to the Calvin n Hobbes website...i hope it does open this time around!!!
i have been down n out for the past few days...
bad(could be good) cold....fever...blah blah...enough to keep me out of the class!!!
a lot of people have been askin me if i had posted anything new on my blog... now that puts ekistraa pressure on me n my non sense!!
let me enlighten everyone...who reads this...bout myself  (Now, i know that not many people read my blog..ok 5-6....ok besides me no one does).
...i really dunno why everyone thinks i am very creative or i am very funny or i am very talented(now, a few ppl have told me...its not something that i am making up!!!)...blah blah blah...till date i still havent figured how people have come to this conclusion bout me...cause i have never delivered when it comes to doing things...in the sense...that whenever someone tells me that i should do this...put my wacky ideas...i choke...so basically what i am really tryin to say is that i have a lot of potential...but thats where the cookie crumbles.... potential potential....finito
ok enough of this serious crap....
had our freshers a few days ago...was good fun...
Atthani Chavanithis was the seniors way of getting the better of us one last time...basically they made us stand on one leg...with our our left hand stretched out...n they made us take a pledge.in a way it kinda reminded me of my days in the SS army....hail hitler!!!
yeah we got a lot of food back then...only thing missing was the female slave!!!!!bwahahahahah(thats my evil laugh...incase anyone forgot!!)after the war ended i was tortured by the jews...i became a lunatic...though i don't quite remembered how i died...or was killed...so now we all know how i was born stupid....as they say "life is like a box of chocolates....u never know how stupid u can get!!!!"

Muda muda muda

I have officially(as in on the blog) changed my name from freak to muda....well atleast for the day!!!
Muda, for all those who dont know bout it...means Waste...

now many of the people who do know me n also read this blog(now that narrows the number down to ...what 2 or 3....)might not...or rather will never agree with what i said above about me becoming muda...coz i have always been the quintisential muda(waste) candidate....well that would be true too....

life is still muda....
me is still muda
tra la la la
i'm a pedo...i'm a wierdo....
yeah.....
smells like muda spirit!!!!!!!!

...n so it begins

Finally the orientation is done....the breaks are all over...now the actual MBA starts....or so they say....
ok just to make things completely clear....i still have no goddamn clue as to what i am doin in a b school...

isn't this gettin way too cliche....

thats exactly what's happening to my life....

ok now that we are done with the introspection..lets get down n dirty!!!!heheheheh

cash flow is only outbound(what i really tried to say there was that financial constraints aplenty...or whateva...

Saw Lakshya a couple of days ago....identified myself with the character of Hritik Roshan....besides the good looks n the long hair...n his cute babe...not to miss out on those bulging biceps...people reading this(apparently not that many of em!!) must be wondering as to where wxactly does the similarity kick in....hmmm.....now thats a good one....well the part where he is confused with his life...thats the part i relate to....yeah i'm a loser....but lets just never repeat that again....



nothing more to write for now.....so...
over n out

week 2

as the saying goes......when the going gets tough...boyzone sang the cover version(yeah i forgot the rest of that quote!!!)

anyway....as we have been told that the blood bath is just bout to begin.....
the seniors keep tellin us what to do n what not to do....lemme leave it at that....as we somehow never seem to understand....or is the rebel inside us that makes us do that...NAH....im way too chicken to do any thing of that sort!!!!

on a lighter note...i have lost almost a KG.....phew....i guess its the rigourous excercise regime that i follow.....or probably the lack of it.....its funny but i lose weight pretty easily.....i can already imagine a lot of women calling me a bas*&^% for saying that...but "what to do."
hmmm.....im still as hopelessly jobless as i was before...inspite of having a lot of work...or rather pretending to have a lot of work....

babe front.... no access;)(pun very much intended....muahahahahahah)

women still do find me repulsive....i guess somethings never change!!!!

gotta scram
peace maan!!!

the diary of anne frank....well this feels like concentration camp

first week of coll....n i still dont know what i am doin in a b school!!!
every morning we get up early have a bath, get dressed n go to college....well not to study..but to sleep....phew thats a lot of effort!!!!

why am i doing MBA......still a very good Question!!!!

do i think i can make it thru....still a very good Question!!!!

I Am Mine - Pearl Jam

The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

The North is to South what the clock is to time
There's east and there's west and there's everywhere

life
I know I was born and I know that I'll die
The in between is mine
I am mine

And the feeling, it gets left behind
All the innocence lost at one time
Significant, behind the eyes
There's no need to hide
We're safe tonight

The ocean is full 'cause everyone's crying
The full moon is looking for friends at hightide
The sorrow grows bigger when the sorrow's denied
I only know my mind
I am mine

And the meaning, it gets left behind
All the innocents lost at one time
Significant, behind the eyes
There's no need to hide
We're safe tonight

And the feelings that get left behind
All the innocents broken with lies
Significance, between the lines
(We may need to hide)

And the meanings that get left behind
All the innocents lost at one time
We're all different behind the eyes
There's no need to hide

plastic to the rescue

....had a dream last night....was hanging out with the most beautiful dame i have ever seen....

Everything was going perfectly.....the booze was cheap, the grub was great...n to top it all the dame was the sponsor...ah "Life was Beautiful!!"

So i decided to take it to the next level....

I made my move n tried to make out with her but got slapped even beofre i got close to her face...damn...thats not all...I tried to make out with her a couple more times..n again was slapped...but 5 more times...the other 3 were i guess bonus slaps!!!

Damn man...even in my imagination women find me repulsive!!!

This sucks big time!!!

Thats it...Plastic surgery AHOY!!!!

why am i still on the wrong side of virginity???

Ok so ain't exactly a mel gibson or a tom cruise...but why am i finding it so bloody difficult...

i mean.....
I am the one losing my virginity....she has nothin to lose...besides her dignity...but thats not really that big a deal...in today's world atleast!!!

Common...life can be just so damn unfair at times...

Wish List - Pearl Jam

I wish I was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off,
I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on,
I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on,
The Christmas tree, I wish I was the star that went on top,
I wish I was the evidence, I wish I was the ground,
For 50 million hands up raised and open toward the sky.

I wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me,
I wish I was as fortunate, as fortunate as me,
I wish I was a messenger and all the news was good,
I wish I was the full moon shining off a Camaro's hood.

I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun,
I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on,
I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on,
I wish I was the verb 'to trust' and never let you down.

I wish I was a radio song, the one that you turned up,
I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish and I guess it carries on.

siddhu-isms

The great man once said....
"If my Aunt had a beard..she would be my uncle!!!"


n i thought no one could surpass my creative genius n inspire me!!!

hail the sardar!!!

I know i didnt do anyone last summer!!!!


heeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeee

Cheesy!!!

I saw this on the Boob Tube...


A dame tells another dame...

" Do you want see what i hang on my rack"

by rack she meant the place where she hangs her clothes....but to me it sounded really corny....

my life saddens me:(

silver-quick

coming back to the topic of the unknown dude/dudette who goes by the name 'silver' ....i guess i shall put the case to rest by just agreeing with the very famous saying....
" EVERY BLOG HAS A SILVER WRITING!!! "

and then there was.....

i lost my virginity the other day......i shall tell you each n every detail......


so basically the story goes like....
...i was playing squash(oh yeah...inspite of all your notions that i am jobless...n your doubting my virility...) n i was wining...hey i play pretty decently...in the sense i dont wear revealing clothes....anyway...thats besides the point....so goin back to the story
so i was leading 5-0...n my opponent was tryin his best....

so i made this stretch...n pop....my cherry went.....oh wait..that can happen only to women rite...damn....i will die a virgin...life trly sucks big time...
oh just to get the record straight....it wasn't the sound of my pant ripping...nor was i farting....but the sound was there...or was it just my imagination.....thats a great cranberries song!!!

who is silver???

hey there was this someone who went by teh name of silver...who left a comment...so who are you is basically what im askin!!!

plzz leave your blog addy...or some sort of identification atleast

when i was small i asked my mother...what will i be....
...will i drive the ambulance...will i drive ppl nuts...will i just drive into oblivion....this is what she said to me....
muffins are tasty brownies are sweet....the futures not ours to see.....coz well...face it ....you already have myopia!!!!

sorry to all those ppl who have lesser hair after reading my blog....


bald ahoy

Arjun: To me all women are sex objects.
Vipul: Why so dude???
Arjun: 'Cause whenever i ask them for sex....they object!!!!

I was sitting the other day in a cafe witha friend(dudette) of mine n we were talkin bout the babes in bangalore....n how they were a feast for all guys....she agreed but added that the guys were not quite good enough...

this is the second time something like this has happened when a chick has told me that guys in this city just ain't good lookin enough....to my face.....is it high time that i start thinking bout that plastic surgery that i have been postponing!!!

what do i do?
what do i do?
what do i do?


thats not the chorus part of song by the way....

do u think this would make a really cool song???

everybody gets high....
...everybody gets low...

these are the days that everything goes!!!!

everyday is a winding road!!!

Teacher: What do you wish to do in future?

Mohan: I want to be a Pilot.

Vina: I want to be a doctor.

Preity: I want to be a mother.

Vipul: I want to help Preity!!!!!

In some remote village of india, one masterji is teaching the
mahabharat katha to a class. he is at the 'krishnajanma' part of
it. so let him continue instead of me

masterji : to bachcho, so kansa heard the akashwani that his
sister's 8th child is goin to kill him. he was furious. he
ordered
to put vasudev n devki behind the bars.first son is born, and
kansa kills him by poisoning second one is born n kansa thorws
him
off the mountain peak third one is born..

now Ramu who is smartest of the lot puts up his hand

masterji (sounding nervous n confused) : Ramu bete, whole india
does not have doubt in mahabharata n how come u have one?
Ramu Beta : masterji, if kansa knew that devaki's 8th child was
goin to kill him, why the hell did he put vasudev n devaki in
same
cell????????

U know guys, I must admit, I never got this doubt in my head
ever.... :)

Cool insults for immediate use.. VERY FUNNY!!!

To: undisclosed-recipients:;

Cool insults for immediate use


1.Any similarity between you and a human is purely
coincidental!

2.Are you always so stupid or is today a special
occasion?

3.As an outsider, what do you think of the human
race?


4.I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should
I improve your looks?

5.At least there'e one thing good about your
body.It isn't as ugly as your face!

6.Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case
they're nothing

7.Careful now, don't let your brains go to your
head!

8.I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like
you.

9.Did your parents ever ask you to run away from
home?


10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!

11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to
spreading ignorance?

13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something
intelligent!

14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to
you?


15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!

16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they
swing from them.

17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to
wind it up this morning.

18. He has a mind like a steel trap -- always
closed!

19. You are a man of the world -- and you know what
sad shape the world is in.

20. He is always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar
territory.

21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's
handsome.

22. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny,
it's a miracle!

23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?

24. He is living proof that man can live without a
brain!

25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the
last one to know.

26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a
blueprint to build an idiot.

27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is
closed at night!

28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your
cage open?

29. How much refund do you expect on your head now
that it's empty.

30. How would you like to feel the way you look?

31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me,where
will you be in the next 10 years?

33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's
just as ugly.

34. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are,
I'm sure everyone will agree with me.

35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it
really works.

36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why
should I take all the credit?

37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please
don't help me!

38. I don't even like the people you're trying to
imitate, if you are at all.

39. I know you were born silly, but why did you
have a relapse?

38. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you
to take the blame!

41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody
could be!

42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay
admission!

43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think
that's very typical of you.